Bittersweet memories
by Travian sez
Summary: “When I for once am trying to do my paperwork, I don’t find a half naked pipsqueak particularly sexy” Roy glanced at Ed, ready to get scorned for making fun of his height but instead received a more welcoming response. Oneshot collection, RoyxEd.
1. Chapter 1: Bittersweet memory

"Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return. To obtain, something of equal value must be lost. That is Alchemy's First Law of Equivalent Exchange.."

Elric Alphonse.

-- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --

**Chapter One,**

Bittersweet memories:

_It was snowing. In one of the far outposts of Amestris, a man in military suit was sitting all alone. Once, there had been a fire lit but it had gone out hours ago. The man in blue froze, chilled into his very bones. It seemed as if he was waiting for something. Something coming to get him. And indeed, further down the road Ed spotted two other soldiers walking. But they weren't walking against this man, they we're walking from him. Scared, Ed looked at the lone soldier, he was crying. He stumbled through the snow, trying to catch up with the others._

_"Hey wait!" Ed called, trying to grab the back on one of them. He felt his hand pass right trough it, as if he was a ghost. He ran in front of them, trying to grasp whom it was._

_"It's not Hawkeye the colonel is waiting for," One of them said._

"Then who is it?" The first one just continued to walk; apparently they both knew the answer. And as soon as they had mentioned 'colonel', Ed also knew whom they meant. He tried to look back, but the storm building up was too intense. He couldn't see the lone soldier anymore. 

_"Mustang!" he called. With no answer he tried to stumble back through the snow, but it was swirling around him. He didn't see anything._

"MUSTANG!" he yelled, reaching out his hand… 

**1923, London**

**Edward Elric POV**

"Mustang!" Ed was still screaming when waking up. Alphonse was bent over his bed, looking extremely concerned. Ed fumbled blindly in the dark.

"I can't see, it's dark. Mustang where did you go? You're going to freeze to death" Ed's hands reached Alphonse, pulling his friend into a tight embrace.

"Edward, are you okay?" Alphonse patted him on the back. Ed realized something was wrong. He traced the lines in Alphonse's face. This wasn't Mustang's features. The storm, did he get something damaged? He felt the chest of the one he was holding breath hard, like every breath was a struggle. The person coughed softly, trying not to disturb Ed.

"Alphonse" he grasped, letting his friend go "I'm sorry, I thought for a moment-"

"That you we're back together with this Mustang?" Alphonse finished his sentence. Ed scratched his head, nodding in the dark. Ed heard Alphonse stumble back into his room.

"I was worried someone was attacking you, and you we're just having a nightmare" he heard Alphonse hit the door, "ouch. Good night, Ed" Ed mumbled Good night and crept into the warm bed again.

He had dreamt of the colonel again. It was always the same kind of dream, Ed chasing him and Mustang just disappearing. Ed reached out for the nightstand, tracing his fingers over the surface to reach for the watch.

The watch was his only item reminding him of his old life in Amestris. Carefully he opened it, fingers tracing the marks '30 Oct 10'.

'Al', he thought, wondering if his brother was living happily on the other side of the gate. Last time they had seen each other was when Ed had offered his life in order to restore Al's. For a split second, he saw the soul-bound armor Al inhabited. He had tried to reach out his hand, tried catching him and reassuring everything was going to be okay. Like any big brother would do when trouble occurred.

Continuing to let his fingers wander over the watch, he found the other mark. The mark made in haste by someone desperate. The single word 'full metal'. He knew Mustang had done this before Ed went to rescue his brother, but he regretted that he hadn't noticed it before half a year ago, afraid to regain bittersweet memories, Ed hadn't dared to open the watch until that moment. Half a year too late. There was no way they ever could be together. No more chance for Ed to ask Mustang what this meant. 


	2. Chapter 2: Papercut

Paper cut

When he came to the office this morning and found his favorite pen lost amongst the paper sea, Hawkeye carefully pointed out that signing a few reports maybe wasn't such a bad idea. Several hours later Mustang was still bent over his desk signing the reports furiously, while the neglected stack of paperwork never seemed to get any smaller. At noon, Full metal had stopped by to leave the latest report on their success with the philosopher's stone. Instructed to sit still and wait for Mustang to sign a large report on alchemy-research, Ed was trying to be as noisy as possible.

"Full metal, stop doing that" Mustang didn't bother to look up when he heard the sound of Ed's hands clasping together.

"What! Why?" Ed sighed and fell back in the couch.

"Because it's annoying" Mustang put the report aside and dug into a large box looking for a file on one of the scientists. He immediately regretted his action when he cut his finger on a paper; he scorned under his breath and turned to look at Ed.

"Can you help me?" he muttered, sucking on his finger.

Ed looked at him, blinking twice as if not really understanding him. Mustang repeated the question, sounding more demanding. Ed slowly nodded and strolled across the room, not looking at Mustang but rather focusing on the floor. Mustang brushed it off as Full metal being grumpy and turned his attention to the box, pointed and started to say:

"I want you to loo-" Mustang's index finger was suddenly surrounded by a warm mouth, surprised to see Ed's closed eyes on his other side sucking his paper cut finger tenderly "whoa, Full metal what are you doing?" Ed opened his eyes, face suddenly blushing hard.

"I-eh-you-said-you-you-you-wanted-me-to-help-me-and-I-did"

"I meant the box, Full metal, the box" Mustang sighed, and buried his face in the non-cut hand trying not to focus on the growing hardness between his legs. He heard Ed rush for the door, apparently thinking he was brushed of. Mustang felt his body ache at the thought of leaving it this way, he whistled to get Ed's attention.

"I'm sorry, I just thought, I mean you sounded like-" Ed began, clutching his fists on the verge of burning up from humiliation.

"Turn around" Mustang demanded. At the sight of Ed's features, the golden eyes, the blonde hair and the uniform which always had turned him on, Mustang smirked and held out his finger:

"I have to say, you we're doing a good job, lock the door and get over here damn quickly"


	3. Chapter 3: Lowrider

Low-rider

The low-rider wasn't suited for the bumpy roads they were currently traveling on. The rear kept hitting things, which caused Mustang to jump in the air every time. The mission was supposed to take less than a day, but with the current speed they weren't getting very far. Thankfully Mustang didn't leave the car at every single noise, but at least one out of three times.

There was nothing but road, dessert and stone as far as his eyes could see. A depressing sight from which Ed had to stare down on his feet to avoid. Mustang pulled the keys out, last time he left them in Ed managed to get pretty far before feeling bad about the colonel and stopped. The later one didn't appreciate the joke; Ed got some pretty bad burn marks on his flesh-arm.

"Colonel-bastard we aren't going to make it back to central before dark if you keep this paste" Ed pointed out, sighing at the colonel for stopping again.

"I know Full metal, just shut up" Mustang disappeared from the front seat and bent down to look under the car. He fumbled with a pipe, checked the exterior several times to detect any scratches before being satisfied and gracefully slid into the car again.

"Oh you must have practiced that a thousand times" Ed mocked him. Mustang merely snorted at him ignorantly and got the motor running.

"Colonel!" Ed grasped, half-seriously joking with the unsuspecting colonel.

"Huh? What!" Mustang hit the brakes hard, causing Ed to hit the windshield with a large boom. There was a moment of silence and Mustang catching his breath before going into full-fletched panic:

"Are you okay?" he started fussing.

"Yeah, but my head hurts-" Ed started, "What the hell! Do you care more about the car than a person's life?"

Mustang had got out of the car, patting it tenderly to check the damages. He removed his ignition gloves to get an even better sense of touch and started to manically search every inch of the exterior. Ed, angry and fed up about his behavior jumped out of the car.

"Bastard I am talking to you!" he bawled. Mustang looked at him, ignored the furious face and continued his examination. Ed calved up his arms, clasped his hand together and hit the closest object on the car that he reached.

"Full metal, what the hell!" he heard Mustang shriek from the back. In a matter of seconds Mustang was in the front, looking at the big, ugly signature-head Ed always made when irritated.

"That's for making me hit my head in the windshield" Ed childishly stated, arms crossed. Mustang's anger couldn't measure even in the Richer scale, trying not to strangle Ed he screamed in the younger ones face:

"Then what about going home? Do you think you can transform it back? No! Cause we don't have any gas anymore, it has leaked out in the ground so unless you dig faster then fluid is running we're fucking stuck here"

Mustang had realized, after several hours of screaming, that no one was going to come for them anytime tonight. He gave up and decided that to sleep in the car until someone came looking for them was probably for the best. Still irritated, Mustang had advised Ed to sleep outside, rather on the road so the first by passer would drive over him and stop to pick Mustang up. Ed had protested loudly, claiming that he could get cold from staying outside all night, it was autumn after all. 'Dogs stay outside when they piss their master off' Mustang had replied sourly and slammed the doors to the car in Ed's face.

At first the cold was acceptable, but several hours later Ed knocked on the door, frozen to the bone.

"Colonel-bastard…"

"Shut up" Mustang replied, dazed.

"Colonel…"

"Shut up"

"Mustang…"

"Shut up. I'm not considering you even an associate at the moment, before you make things even worse I suggest that tiny mouth of yours stay quiet for the rest of the night" he heard Mustang move around inside, the car shaking slightly.

"But I just wanted to ask you something" Ed's voice was shaky; he clutched his fists tightly to stop the shivering. He felt the car move again, and moved to the side to allow Mustang to open the door.

"What do you want?" Mustang stated when he opened the door. His face was barely visible in the darkness around them, but Ed could tell by the tone that the colonel wasn't particularly angry anymore. Ed felt the warmth streaming from the colonel's body and like a mal attracted to light, Ed crawled into Mustangs arms, clutching to it. At first Mustang was stiff of complete shock. But he composed himself rather quickly, and was able to shut the door tight.

"Full metal, what is this supposed to mean?" he whispered. But by the fire building up inside him, he knew exactly what this was. He removed his gloves and jacket with little effort and felt Ed switching position and snuggle against his chest with his arms around Mustang's waist. Mustang grasped for air, tempted to push him away before he heard Ed whisper something. He leaned closer and asked the blonde to repeat it again.

"I'm sorry" Ed whispered and turned his head to look up on Mustang. They glared at each other in the darkness, none of them actually visualizing the other but feeling the tension. Both of their heart rates were increasing as were Ed's breath. When Mustang shifted Ed into a more comfortable position in his lap, Ed panted out loud. Without further instructions or interruptions Mustang hungrily dipped his head and catched the lips of Ed with his own. Ed grasped and immediately answered hungrily. The sensation of the soft lips caused Mustang's south parts to throb, approving of the situation. Ed started pushing against him, accidentally stroking over Mustang's length several times and in the same time letting Mustang feel the boy's arousal against his torso. Provoked, Mustang took the kiss deeper and entered Ed's mouth with his tongue.

"This means we're okay?" Ed laughed between the passionate kissing.

"Then you have to work harder" Mustang panted and felt Ed's hand moving into his pants. He moaned and decided to let the boy make it up to him.


	4. Chapter 4: Birtday cake

Birthday cake 

"Um, lieutenant Hawkeye this is not what it looks like" Mustang tried to explain but failed miserably. The sharpshooter eyes of his lieutenant never missed a shot, let alone Mustang's every move, lie or intention.

"Then what is this colonel?" her voice was razor-sharp, she was defiantly not approving.

"It's just a birthday-cake"

"…With a _heart_ on it. And it's got damn _pink_!" her voice was like poison covered in silk.

"You noticed. I should have known better than underestimate your eye-sight" Mustang relplied dryly, Hawkeye snorted and turned away from him. He continued talking to her, trying to sound desperate enough for her to help him "I told Glacier it was for a friend, I guess she assumed it was for a female".

"It's because all the 'friends' you always talk about is females, colonel" she refeared to the fact that the colonel was at the moment seeing girls every night. A real ladies man indeed. Mustang just scratched his head, laughing uncomfortable at the remark and decided to as quickly as possible get back to discussing cakes.

" I can't give him a cake like this. It's a girl's cake and he's a guy. First of all I'd be dead in a matter of seconds because he would tear my guts out with the Automail for insulting him, secondly nobody can know about this and pink cake isn't discreet enough" Mustang stated.

"Discreet enough for what?" Hawkeye quickly remarked, staring suspiciously at her superior.

"What? It's his birthday ofcourse I have to give him a cake. Please tell Ed Happy Birthday from us" Mustang looked down at his feet, blushing and handed the cake over. Hawkeye sighed, grabbed the box and darted out of the room. Halfway through the hall she stopped dead in her track. Did the colonel just call Full metal his real name?


	5. Chapter 5: Shoppingspree

**Shopping-spree **

"Ed, I have a present for you. Look in the sofa" Mustang pointed at the single, expensive-looking bag in the sofa. Ed jumped down from his lap and proceeded forwards to retrive it. He quickly got lost of the wrapping and tags until he held the content between his hands.

"Colonel, not to be a jerk or anything… but what the hell is this?" Ed was holding a pair of black , cotton-trousers in his hands, eyeing them suspisously.

"It's a pair of _normal _pants. I thought you'd be glad…" Mustang sneered.

"What's wrong with these?" Ed pointed at himself and Mustang glanced unapprovingly at Ed's black leatherpants. There were burntmarks, loose pieces, scars, loss of color and holes in every pocket. Ed followed Mustangs eyes and scratched the back of his head.

"Okay, I guess they're not really what it used to be" he remarked and once again stared at the normal pants, "so now over to question number two: why did you buy me new pants?".

Mustang tilted his head and smirked. He was going to tell Edward it was a payment for his services, but it was going to sugest that Ed was some sort of prostitute. Mustang didn't want trouble this early in the morning and decided to play it safe.

"I was just on a shopping-spree and saw these. I thought they might fit you" he exuded. Ed immidiatly let the pants drop to the floor.

"OH VERY FUNNY, MUSTANG. They're like one metres too long" Ed added sourly. Mustang sighed and looked down at his paperwork. At least he had tried to do something nice. He studied the paper before him, it just looked like random letters and numbers - Ed's eyes burning into his neck, making it impossible to continue working.

"Ed, have you ever considered the possibility that you standing half-naked, glancing angerly at me while I try to work is annoying?" Mustang sighed and sipped his coffee.


	6. Chapter 6: Don't jump

Thanks for the reviews everyone 3 Yes I'm back now! Had some troubles with my broadband, moving, etc. And today is my 18th birthday so I present a total angsty chapter, because I suffer from aging-complexes ;)

Enjoy your reading, and don't forget to send me a review.

**Don't jump **

(Songcredit: Tokio hotel)

"Edward, don't…" Mustang pleaded, holding out his hand for Ed to grab. Ed looked at him angrily, eyes full of tears, and slapped his hand away.

"You of all people shouldn't tell me what to do! It was nothing to you, wasn't it? All of this for nothing!" Ed was balancing on the edge of the roof, switching from looking down to the ground and glancing towards Mustang. His feet wanted to jump, taking the easy way out. Nothing mattered, for all was lost. Just like the time with Barry the Chopper, his mind was blank. He didn't register anything but the fear deep inside overwhelming him.

"Shut up. You knew I had no choice but to do it…" Mustang's voice disappeared. Ed didn't want lectures or apologies. He wanted peace.

_I say your name in silence. You don't want to hear it right now. _

The city beneath him was awfully peaceful. No residents out walking tonight, less the

darkness from the night might hide them from his vision. Maybe even the homunculi were out there, laughing at this tragic end.

"Roy…" he whispered and stared at the dark oblivion before him. How far to the ground might it be?

_The eyes of the city are counting the tears falling down. _

_ Each one a promise of everything you never found. _

Tears clouded his vision, so he never saw it coming; Roy sneaking up behind his back and throwing his arms around him. Ed reacted by trying to shake him of.

"Let… me… go" he sobbed and pounded at Mustangs chest.

"Please Ed, schhh, it's okay. Come, we can talk inside…" Mustang pleaded and carefully pushed Ed from the edge, towards himself.

_I scream in to the night for you  
Don't make it true _

"You lied to me! All along, you lied to me! I don't trust you, everything you say is lies. _Lies, lies, lies" _Ed screamed in Mustangs face. Spitting on him, pounding him, pulling his hair, ripping in his clothes. Still, the older man was patient. Waiting for Ed to calm down and quit the abuse.

"You know that's not true…" Mustang tried to plead though it was completely useless. He still held Ed close, to let go was to lose him. That was a fact.

"You would rather-"Ed sobbed, "You, you would rather stay with the military than with me? That's what I call a complete lie from the beginning".

"Don't jump Ed, come on. We have to talk about this, it's not too late" Mustang stated and patted him on the back, slowly pushing further and further away from the edge until they had almost reached the door inside. Ed fighted him the whole way, acting like a wild cat. Mustang sighed when he thought about tomorrows work, how it must seem with claw marks all over his skin.

_The lights will not guide you through  
They're deceiving you, don't jump_

"Mustang, you son of a bitch bastard-colonel! I hate you" Ed spat and tried to break free. It was so hard to be angry when the bastard in question not even smirked, shouted or left him. Just standing there, looking hurt and taking all the shit.

_Don't let memories go  
Of me and you  
The world is down there  
Out of view _

"Edward…" Mustang suddenly whispered in his ear. He was about to continue when Hughes suddenly burst through the door. Mustang and Hughes uttered a single glance before the officer busted out:

"What are you doing? Everybody's worried sick. They could hear all kinds of noises from up here and Fuery said Ed was going to jump and-"His words were coming out in a blur, mixed together in a mass, tiresome of listening to. Ed relaxed, everything felt so normal with Hughes here. He leaned in closer to Mustang and closed his eyes, letting their voices become part of the background.

Mustang was furious. Ed had almost fallen apart in his arms and Hughes was babbling about filling in important papers. He knew Hughes and the rest of the military was in approving of him spending personal time with Fullmetal, but to take it to this extreme length?

"And I thought you were my best friend… Just fucking let me have a moment alone with him, otherwise I'll let you know what true pain feels like" Mustang snapped his finger and let go of a tiny spark of fire. Hughes looked down in the ground.

"Sorry sir," he cleared his throat, "I will make sure no one bothers you". And with that, he left without further remark.

_You open your eyes  
But you can't remember what for  
The snow falls quietly  
You just can't feel it no more _

Ed was dreaming. For the first time since a long time ago he was dreaming about his original goal. The business with Mustang had taken far too much energy from him; did he even want to save Alphonse anymore? Al was smiling at him in the dream, and then calling for him. There was also rain in the dream; it felt cold and wet against his chin.

"Ed, wake up" a voice from far away called for him. But no, he didn't want to wake up now. The voice called again, sounding terrified. Ed snapped back to reality and opened his eyes.

He touched his chin and found that the wetness was in fact tears. A mix of his own and the man standing over him. At the sight of Ed's open eyes, the man buried his head in his hands and wept openly.

"Hey colonel, I…" Ed didn't finish the sentence. Mustang had catched Ed's lips and started kissing him. Ed quickly fell into the paste, just letting himself go. Between their tears and desperate touching, Ed realized that Mustang didn't leave him because he wanted to. He left him because Ed had some serious catching up to the Philosopher's stone to do. Mustang was thinking of Alphonse.

_Somewhere up there, you lost yourself in your pain  
You dream of the end, to start all over again _

"Edward, I will always love you… But you have to understand, there are more people than me who needs your love. Who can only depend on you. You gave a promise to your brother, that you would get his body back. And you don't break promises, do you?" Mustang kissed him again, "I will wait for you, and the day you and Alphonse are whole… That day I will leave the military and go wherever you want" Mustang finished and stared at his feet. Ed glanced at him, painfully aware of his childish actions.

"I'm sorry, Roy" he managed to whisper.


End file.
